The Most Important Words in Marriage

“Let marriage be held in honor among all…”

Hebrews 13:4a

As of today, May 17, 2018, Linda and I have been married for 38 years!  Wow.  It seems like only yesterday that we were running around, checking people out of dorms at Concordia, getting dressed for the ceremony and rushing off to Hope Lutheran in Milwaukee to get married.  Since that rainy Milwaukee Saturday God has rained down so man blessings on Linda and me, that I cannot recount them all here.  Chief among those blessings though is that He gave us to each other; He has blessed us with 4 wonderful children (and three in-laws) and 6 of the best grandchildren anyone could ever have.  Happy anniversary Linda!  I love you.

Now to all of you reading or watching this blog – I don’t have 7 steps for a successful marriage.  I just don’t believe in such things.  So what can I offer you?  Well what about words?  I think words are powerful… have the power to build up and tear down.  I know that from experience… because there have been times in our marriage when I have uttered words that didn’t help… words that hurt.  But there are also good words that are important to every marriage.  The words we use are key to making sure that “marriage be held in honor.”  I would like to share a few.

The first ones that come to mind are “I’m sorry!  Please forgive me!”  The reason is obvious.  When two sinful people live together in marriage for any length of time – they are going to do and say things that hurt the other person.  That has certainly been the case for me.  Because of pride… because of the desire to be right, and to win the argument – these can be hard words to say.  But the truth is I have yet to have a marital argument when either of us was completely in the right or completely in the wrong.  We have both always have had reason to say, “I’m sorry.  Please forgive.”  Besides, isn’t it more important to win the heart of your spouse than it is to win an argument.

Of course, of equal importance or maybe more importance, are the words “I forgive you.”  Too many of us think that sounds prideful.  So instead we say, “Oh don’t worry.  It’s no big deal.”    You know when we come to God to ask forgiveness, He never says, “Don’t worry it’s no big deal.”  That is the same as saying “you are no big deal.”  Instead God says, “I forgive you.”  Those words acknowledge that what happened or what was said, did hurt.  They hurt because the other person is a big deal to you.  Our sin is a big deal to God.  Sin cost His Son His life.  To say to your spouse, “I forgive you,” is to say, “What you did or said did hurt.  But you mean more to me than that hurt.  I never want to lose you.  I love you.  I forgive you.”

The words “I love you” are extremely important too. We don’t say or speak those words often enough.  I especially think its important we learn to hear and to speak one another’s love languages.  Linda speaks love through acts of service and time spent together.   When she does something special for me, I know she is saying, “I love you.”  My love language is words of affirmation – to tell her how much she means to me.  I suppose I am speaking my love language by writing this blog.

The words “thank you” are also extremely important – to thank each other and to thank God!  Believe me, I thank God every day for Linda.  She has been so patient with me over 38 years.  She has supported me… been a rock of faith in times of transition and grief… been a great mom and grandma… has affirmed me as a Pastor when I doubted myself.  The list goes on and on.  For all of that – Thank you Linda and thank you Lord.

The vows you make on your wedding day are some of the most important words you speak in marriage.  Trust is essential to any relationship and trusting the promises you make to each other are essential to the security of any marriage.  Indeed, not only do husband and wife count on each other to be true to those promises… your kids count on it too.  Their sense of well-being and security is directly related to how faithful mom and dad are to each other.

Of course, the most important words in marriage are the promises of God’s word.  Indeed, the most important word in marriage is “Jesus.”  In the words of the old Hymn – Jesus is “the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love.”   Jesus is the third strand in the cord of marriage and as we read in Scripture “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.”  His sacrifice… He love… His giving Himself for us and to us… His promises spoken to us every time we read or hear His word… His promises affirmed to us in baptism and Holy Communion – what would we do without them.  For in some way big or small – all couples – us included – are guilty of being unfaithful.  But not our God!  He always keeps His promises.  He always loves us.  He has again and again healed and made strong the bonds of our marriage.

Thank you Lord for loving us.  Thank you, Linda, for loving me.  I love you.  Happy 38^th!  Amen.