The Real Golden Rule

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 7:12

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”  There you have it, one of the most important things our parents taught us… direct from the mouth of Jesus – the Golden Rule. 

It’s sounds so simple.  Yet so many people get it so wrong.   I googled this question – What does the Golden rule mean?  Listen to some of the answers I found.  One person equated it with Karma… called it giving good vibes to people. Another said, “Be nice to people so that one day they might be nice back to you.”  “Be nice to others so that they will like you and not hate you.”  Another said, “Generally I try to live by this rule but if the other guy is being a jerk – in that case I return the favor.  I believe in the Golden rule, not turning the other cheek.”  “It means be nice and don’t give others a reason to hurt you.” “Be nice first.  It throws them off their game… If you are mean to others they will be mean to you.  If you are kind to others, you will get kindness back.”  “It means if you can’t take it don’t dish it out.  But if you can take it, then go ahead.” 

There is something wrong with all of these statements.  They all make the golden rule about you and what you will get out of it by being nice.  In each case, being nice to people comes with strings attached.  Think about it – are you kind to others because you have a need to be liked and approved?  Moving to Germany one of my fears was that my kids would discover that they could get along without me.  That begs the question – Is that why I did nice things for them – because of my need to be needed by them?   Think how hard it can be to be gracious towards other people.  We want them to make the first good move.  They were wrong.  They should apologize. Then we will do so to them also.  We want a guarantee that our treating them nicely will lead to something good for us.  We ask “What’s in it for me?” before we do unto others.   See how the “strings attached” golden rule gets it all backwards!   If we attach strings to our kindness to others then by its very definition we are not being gracious.  That’s not what Jesus meant.

It simply doesn’t work to take the Golden Rule out of context.  Listen to the promises Jesus makes just before He speaks the Golden rule.  “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.  Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?  If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Jesus encourages us to seek out our heavenly Father. He assures us that He is the Father who is ready to be found. He is eager to answer and to give.  After all, if we want to give only the best to our kids, how much more can we count on the generosity of our heavenly Father who for us gave His own Son?  It’s in that context that Jesus says, So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…  With the word “so” Jesus connects seeking out our giving God to how we are to treat others.  It is because of who God is, because we can depend on His love in everything that we are free to treat others the way we hope to be treated. 

That’s why Jesus puts the golden rule in the context of God’s unconditional, no strings attached love for us.  Our heavenly Father gave His Son to us and for us knowing that we could not give back to Him.  By His death and resurrection Jesus purchased for us a salvation that we could never afford ourselves, one for which we can never repay Him.  He made it yours and mine in baptism – for free, no strings attached.  There is no need to be so needy… We aren’t dependent on others needing us… on whether or not others love us or like us or approve of us.  We have all the love, all the acceptance, all the approval and grace and forgiveness we need in our God and Savior.  It doesn’t matter if people love us back when we love them.  When all our strings are attached to Jesus, we are free to love others the way we wish to be loved and to do so with no strings attached. That’s the real golden rule. Amen.