Reflections on 35 Years of Marriage

“Isaac knew his wife and then he loved her”

Genesis 24:67

As of May 17 of this year Linda and I have been married for 35 years.  Now I know this is a few months late to present this blog but that’s because we waited till now to celebrate that anniversary.  On the days when you see and read this blog Linda and I will be in Italy on a week’s vacation, celebrating our 35 years together.  So I thought it appropriate to take a couple of moments to reflect on God’s blessings in our life together as husband and wife.

The Bible verse I choose for this blog – a portion of Genesis 24:67 – is the text Pastor David Koch preached on at our wedding in Milwaukee.  “Isaac knew his wife and then he loved her.”  Pastor kind of shocked us that day.  He told us that he was sure we thought we loved each other and that he was equally sure that we didn’t… not yet.  He was pretty sure, he told us, that at that point we really had no idea what it meant to love each other but that we would spend a life time together learning.  That’s why he used this text. First Isaac knew his wife… and then he loved her. 

Pastor Koch was so very right.  What we called love at that point in our lives was really the romantic feelings we had for one another.  Loving each other was something we would learn to do as we lived life together as husband and wife. That day we thought we knew each other.  Little did we know how little we really knew!  We have spent a life time getting to know one another. As we have raised children, moved around the country (and now the world) struggled to make ends meet, celebrated birthdays and Christmases, argued with each other, forgave each other, stuck with each other on some difficult days, cried at our parents funerals, celebrated our kids graduations and weddings, held our grandchildren – that’s how we got to know one another.  That’s how we learned what love really is. 

It’s not a feeling.  Too many confuse romantic feelings with love.  Don’t get me wrong.  Those feelings are wonderful.  But you can’t live forever on a honeymoon. If that’s the basis of your marriage, it won’t last.  Far too many get divorced because they don’t “feel” that way anymore.  So they go searching for the “new relationship high” with another person.  Love is what happens as you celebrate, as you are patient, as you are forgiven and as you forgive each other… as you stick with and care for your spouse on the days when you feel like doing just the opposite.

Over time you discover what I have discovered – that God has really blessed me in Linda. For example she knows now to be patient when I am ranting and raving.  She has learned I just need to think some issue through out loud. We love so many of the same things – a nice walk, to travel, to be and play with our grandchildren , to go out for a nice dinner.  I bring Linda out of her shell.  She keeps me from making a fool of myself.   She knew instinctively what our kids needed as children. My gift was when they were teens.  Linda has learned that I love surprises.  I have finally learned that she really does hate them.  She’s good at buying clothes for me.  I have learned to let her buy clothes for herself.

The best part though is Linda’s faith. I could point to the notes in her Bible or how she loves to listen to Christian music on her I-pad.  But what really stands out to me is how throughout our marriage she has been open to going wherever God would lead us.  During most of the calls I received as a Pastor, Linda, by her own choice, almost never went with me to visit the congregations.  She prayed and helped me wrestle through each call but each time, for her it was in God’s hands.  So we have moved from Nebraska to Texas to Wisconsin back to Texas and now to Germany.  In each place God has blessed us in ways we could not have imagined.  We have raised 4 children, seen three of them so far get married and been blessed with five of the most beautiful grandchildren.  Through all of that I have continued to know more and more about my wife… and learned what it means to love her and to be loved by her. 

Happy anniversary Linda!  I love you and thank God for you. I pray God gives us many more years of getting to know and learning to love each other.