To Help or Not to Help - That is the Question

Galatians 6:2 & 5

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ...

For each will have to bear his own load.”

As a Pastor, I get asked this all the time.  “Pastor, a neighbor or a friend or my kid has asked me for help.  I don’t know what to do.”  Often the person is being asked to loan or give someone some money.  I have had a few instances where parents or grandparents have been expected over and over again to rescue their adult child from some situation.  Their son or daughter has gotten in trouble at school, they are flunking out of a program or they have gotten in trouble with the law.  Sometime the parent has stepped in to complete the child’s homework for them or pay the lawyer fees or their fines.  Often, the situation repeats itself again and again. “What should I do?  Am I enabling this person to be irresponsible?  Or am I really helping?  If I don’t help what will happen to my child?  To my friend?  To my neighbor?  I don’t think I should help but I feel guilty for thinking that?  What should I do?”

There are no easy answers to these situations but perhaps in today’s blogs I can give you some thoughts that might help you in your choices to help or not to help.  One big help for me are the two verses from Galatians 6.  In Galatians 6:2 St. Paul tells us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”   In verse 5 Paul writes, “For each will have to bear his own load.”  At first read it may appear that Paul in these two verses contradicts himself.  That is not the case.  The key is to understand the difference between the words “burden” and “load.”  A burden is something to heavy for the person to carry by themselves.  The word “load” refers something each person can handle on their own.  Let me give you a couple of examples.  Imagine a neighbor has a yard that is a complete mess.  If that person is perfectly healthy and has the time – taking care of his own yard is a ‘load” he can handle.  However, a few years ago a friend mine had a neighbor who broke his back. For the man who broke his back taking care of his own yard had become a “burden” he couldn’t handle alone.  Therefore, my friend stepped in and started helping him.  When God send His Son to bear our sins for us… when Jesus carried the weight of those sins to the cross to die for us, He was taking up the burden of our sin – a burden to heavy for us to carry.  That might be one question to ask yourself – Is the need I am being asked to help with a “burden” or a “load” to the other person?

Does that mean we should never help some one with their load?  No. If you want to do something for a neighbor or a child out of love and a desire to serve – that may well be a really nice thing to do.  You just don’t want to be enabling laziness or irresponsibility.  I will give you an example from our life.  This past summer we asked people to help us with something while we were gone on vacation.  Even though they didn’t need to – they have continued to do this for us.  Why?  They are acting out of a servant’s heart of love and gratitude.  We really appreciate them. 

That may be the second thing to ask.  Ask yourself why you are doing something?  Too often I find myself doing something for others because of my need to be liked… my need to be needed… my need not to feel guilty.  Think about that.  Who am I really trying to help – myself or the other person?  Sometime my need to be needed can create an unhealthy dependency.  After while resentment may well take hold in my heart or the heart of the other person.  So another question to ask is this – “Who are you really trying to help – yourself or the other person?”    Sometimes the answer to that question may be “both.”

Think for a moment about the time when Jesus washed the feet of the disciples.  It wasn’t that the disciples couldn’t do that work themselves.  Most likely the problem was that they wouldn’t.  What’s more Jesus didn’t have to step in and do it for them.  Yet He did.  Why?  Because He loved them, wanted to serve them and wanted to teach them that being a spiritual leader in the church means being a servant.  Is that your motive – you want to serve like Jesus?

To help or not to help is not always an easy question.  But if you choose to serve and help – do so with a free and grateful heart… love and help not because you have to but because you want to… love and help because that is what God did freely for you by giving you His Son.