Grief Reminds Me!

“Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.  Blessed indeed,” says the Spirit,

That they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them.”

Revelation 14:13

February is kind of a hard month.  In part that is because it comes right in the DEAD heart of Winter.  Even down here in warm Houston all the trees are bare, no flowers are blooming.  Its just not a pretty time of the year.  Then you add to that the fact that the football season is finished and baseball hasn’t yet started – It’s a hard month.

However, for me the reasons are much more personal.  Tomorrow, Feb. 8, marks the 7^th anniversary of my mother’s death.  Then at the end of the month, on February 24, it will be the 23^rd anniversary of my dad’s death.  Someone who lost her mother once asked me if you ever stopped grieving?  Ever stopped missing them?  My answer was “No.  You just get used to grieving their loss.”  Its true.  No matter how much time has passed, I still miss both my parents.  I find myself thinking, “I wish they could meet the wonderful spouses their grandkids married... see all the cool things our kids are doing with their lives.  I wish they could meet and play with their great grandchildren.  It makes me sad that the people I have served at CUW, Flower Mound, in Germany and now in Sugar Land never knew my dad. Those in Germany and Sugar Land never knew my mom.  I wish they could go to Steven’s graduation and ordination this year.  They would be so proud.

Yes, grief remains.  But it also reminds me of a few important things.  First, that you should never take the passage of time for granted.  You never know how much time you really have left with anyone. In the days before she died, the hospice nurse told me that mom’s time was getting close. Yet that Feb 8^th I chose to go workout first before going to be with mom.  I will always regret that choice.  At the fitness club I got a text message to hurry over.  Mom didn’t have much time left.  She passed just before I arrived.  What’s more my mom had Alzheimer.  That horrible disease basically robbed us of mom for the last 3 to 5 years of her life.  Don’t take for granted the time you are given with people you love.

Grief also reminds me of how blessed I am.  Think about it.  I have parents who when they were gone – I missed them.  It was painful.  It hurt.  What’s so blessed about that?  Not everyone has parents that when they are gone, they miss them.  I did.  My dad was my hero.  He loved me unconditionally.   I loved going to work with him as a kid.  All my friends loved him.  He was great with children.  I served a dual parish in Nebraska.  Whenever they came to visit he would go to both services every Sunday.  He was proud of me.  I hold strong images in my mind – such as Dad holding Steven’s little hand, walking him outside their home in North Carolina… the worried look on his face when Bethany was in the hospital.   My mom was a complicated woman.  She was always worried.  She could speak hard words… but normally they were words I really needed to hear.  She passed on to me her love of reading.  I think of her every day when I look at the ship she painted… that painting hangs in my office.  I remember when I couldn’t fall asleep as a child and she would rub my back until I relaxed and fell sound asleep.  Grief reminds me how blessed I am by God that I had two parents who loved me and that I loved.

Finally, believe it or not, grief reminds me of the hope that we have in Jesus Christ.  Grief reminds me that at its heart, this is why Jesus came.   Because we have flesh and blood Jesus likewise partook of the same “so that by His death He might destroy him who hold the power of death, that is the devil, and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.”  That’s why Jesus was born.  That’s why He lived. That’s what He accomplished by His death on the cross and His glorious resurrection from the dead.  He destroyed him who holds the power of death. He conquered death.  My parents both believed that.  Because of Jesus, they are now in Him.  On the last day when Jesus raises up me and all the dead – I will see them again.  Because of Jesus we will all together enter into the kingdom of God… the new Jerusalem.  What a great reunion that will be.  Yes, grief mixed with the hope that Jesus gives reminds me that these words from Revelation 14 are true. “Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.  Blessed indeed,” says the Spirit, That they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them.”

So in one way I am glad I am still grieving!  I need these reminders!  I imagine you need them too!